I'm Backkkkkkkkkk!

Of course, I recognize that my aide deserves to go on vacation, just like the rest of us. Nevertheless, I always dread the week I know she will be gone. Over the years, Sharon has become part of the family - she knows our schedules and we know hers. I believe, we have a great partnership. Some may say we are picky or quirky about the care of Muddear, but I say that's okay, we have a right to be. Sharon agrees with this sentiment.

Every time a new aide arrives it is like starting over from scratch and we lose that comfortableness that we share with Sharon. This week wasn't any different. Two aides were assigned to cover Sharon's time, but for some odd reason, the agency only scheduled 38 hours of coverage instead of 40. To begin with, the aides were late two days and that's just the beginning of the story.

To protect the innocent, I'll call the first aide Sandy and the second Jamie. Jamie was supposed to work on Tuesday and Wednesday from 8:30 to 4:30. I asked if she could stay until 5:30 to which she responded "no" for Tuesday and "yes" for Wednesday. On Wednesday, during the middle of the day Jamie called my husband at work stating she needed to leave early, but needed to make sure someone would be home. What?

I was sick on Monday and Tuesday and therefore was home all day. Thank goodness! Jamie didn't bring lunch on Tuesday and needed to leave to pick up something - the agency never notified her that Flossie could not be home alone. Huh?

Sandy was the aid for Monday, Thursday and Friday. Ironically, she had no lunch on Monday either - for the exact same reason stated by Jamie. On Wednesday, I received a phone call from the agency that Sandy needed to leave early on Thursday, but would make up her hours on Friday. No problem, I thought, I can work with that. Unfortunately, on Thursday she had a family issue that required her to leave after only a half day at work. Friday morning I received a phone call from the agency - Sandy called in. Great! Especially, since she had not completed half of the items requested.

To top matters off, it seemed like the aides were afraid to make decisions on their own. I recognize that Flossie was a new client for both of them, BUT... while I was sick Jamie knocked on my door to show me how much Flossie ate for lunch. She wanted to make sure she had eaten enough. Why do I have to make that determination? Common sense would say "no" if Flossie ate less than half of her lunch or "yes" if she ate more than half. If no, save the rest and offer later when inevitably Muddear will be hungry again.

This morning was Sharon's first day back. When I caught a glimpse of her, Sharon's first words were... "I'm Backkkkkkkkkk!"

We're Back

We are officially "back" and have picked Muddear up from her respite stay. Kudos to Brookwood Retirement Community. As always they did a fantastic job with Muddear. I am never afraid to leave her there when necessary. I am not burdened by incessant phone calls that cause me great anxiety whenever I see the nursing home number for fear that something has gone terribly wrong. She was clean, well fed, and happy - what more could I ask for?

Muddear was dressed and ready to go when I arrived. She was very talkative and discussed at length the great time she had while at Brookwood.


"I had a good time, but I can't wait to go home. There's no place like home."
"I am glad that you enjoyed your stay."
"Yes, yes and I am tired. I want to go home and get some rest. I have been so busy while I was here."
"Really? What did you do?"
"All day I was wheeling back and forth, up and down the hall. We had lunch in this room and dinner in that room. All that travelling just about wore me out!"


I sat back and thought to myself, Muddear is simply adorable!

Unreliable Help = Lifestyle Changes

Last summer, due to Mike's coaching schedule, we changed the aide's schedule. This change resulted in us not having an agency scheduled aide at the house on Friday afternoons from 12:30 until 5:30 p.m. to care for Muddear while we are at work. Initially this wasn't a problem, because over the course of the past year and a half we developed good relationships with a couple of professional caregivers who were willing to work private pay. Meaning we paid them out of pocket.

Unfortunately, the last three or four months, none of the private pay aides have been regularly available to work on Friday afternoons. This left us in a quandary...who could assist with Muddear's care? At first, my wonderful husband agreed to stay with Muddear - due to the cyclical nature of his business this was a good interim solution. However, now that business has picked up, Mike has been forced to juggle his schedule to accommodate our interim arrangement. While great for the situation, I began to reflect upon the selfishness of the arrangement. But I was allowing Mike to take on full responsibility of the problem without offering any assistance - my job is no more important than his. While as a business owner, Mike may have greater flexibility he shouldn't have to bear the burden alone.

Therefore, beginning Friday, June 22, I will begin alternating Friday afternoons with Mike. (At least during his busy season, which ends late Fall/early Winter.) On one hand this makes me very nervous. I have a full time job with a great deal of responsibility. I don't want to be perceived as a slacker. I am also afraid of the impact this will have on my work load, which already is overwhelming.

On the other hand, I know it is the right thing to do, so I am trying to see this change in schedule as an opportunity. I have the vacation time...I get four weeks of vacation per/year. (It is June and I have only taken one week.) Considering Mike and I are splitting Fridays that equates to two half days of vacation a month from June through December or 5 total vacation days. When you look at it that way it doesn't seem so bad...at least that is what I keep telling myself. (I am trying to allay my fears.) If push comes to shove, I could conduct conference calls from home if necessary or bring my laptop and try to work. We'll see how successful that is...

For many this probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but for me the situation is a little stressful. You see, the problem is that I am a potential workaholic. If possible, I would probably work 50 or 60+ hours a week. During the course of my life, I have been known to work two jobs and/or take on other church and community activities. I tend to feel lazy if I don't have enough to do. My husband thinks I have Adult ADHD, but that's another story. Both my husband and life in general have helped me slow down a little. Besides...family and workaholic is one cocktail that doesn't mix.

Please keep me in your prayers as I change my schedule. My request...peace of mind and opportunities to purse my second love - writing.

Pamela's Venting Session

After work last Friday, May 25, Pamela visited Flossie at Brookwood (see Support Systems and Another Respite Stay ). I found her account of the visit quite humorous. I have summarized it below:

According to Pamela...

"I was actually a little nervous when I went to see your grandmother, because for the life of me, I could not remember her actual name! I always say 'your grandmother' or 'Muddear' and all I kept thinking was 'they are not going to let me in to see her.' However, at the last minute, I had a moment of clarity and blurted out...'I'm here to see Flossie Dawson.'

Now first, let me put your mind at ease. Your grandmother was clean and had on a fresh change of clothes. I know you were worried about that, but she looked good. When I entered her room, Muddear was looking out the window - I mentioned the nice view to her. But then, I don't know what happened.

I began to tell Muddear all about my woes with Sofa Express. I told her about how I ordered the new entertainment center and their failure to deliver it as expected. I went on to tell her about how I had received three different entertainment centers all with various degrees of damage. I even explained how I had called numerous employees from the sales rep to the district manager with no real satisfaction or adequate compensation and that I just did not know what I was going to do next. Would you believe I even told her that I notified John Matarese from the news. And there sat your grandmother, listening attentively, shaking her head like she understood and before you know it, she was offering me advice.

Muddear said, "Honey, you got to do what you got to do! I remember when I was married to my husband and he had bad credit. I took over the money and did what I had to do!"

Nikki, you know me, I was shaking my head and agreeing and I heard myself saying 'that's right Muddear; you've got to do what you've got to do!' In that moment I sat back and chuckled as I thought to myself...'why am I venting to Muddear? She won't remember tomorrow."

Although I have to admit, when I left I felt better.

Back to Reality

Today Mike and I picked Muddear up from her respite stay - Brookwood Retirement Community is the best! This stay was wonderful. First, I did not receive phone calls every day as I have during past respite stays so I was able to vacation without worrying incessantly. Second, when I arrived at Brookwood Muddear was happy and full of smiles. She had on fresh clothes and she smelled clean. I never take even the simplest things from granted after previous respite experiences. Finally, I could tell that they were faithful in taking care of the skin disorder Muddear currently suffers from. I would recommend them to anyone in need of a respite care facility. I appreciate the care the staff provided my grandmother.

I am very thankful that prior to leaving for vacation my worrying was for naught. Praise be to God! :-)

Stay tuned for upcoming posts - Pamela and Julia have great stories about their visits with Muddear while I was away. Thanks again to both of them!

Friends

We leave for Barbados at the crack of dawn. I am 95% packed and ready to go with only a few things to do around the house. Muddear checked into Brookwood Retirement Community yesterday and we finalized all arrangements for the kids. This may be my last post until we return from vacation - I will not have Muddear around to inspire me!


However, today's inspiration has come from my friends. Everyone knows that I worry about Muddear when she has to go to a respite stay. Some stays have been good and some bad. (Monday, December 18, 2006 When Respite Stays Go Bad! )Typically, Muddear’s respite stays last no more than two or three days, unless of course we are on vacation. This stay will last 11 days. I cannot imagine how she must feel - uprooted from the place she calls home because no one will be there to care for her and not being able to care for herself. I have to stop, I may cry and this post was not supposed to be sad. As I said before, my inspiration has come from my friends.


I do not have very many and am thankful for the ones I do have. Pamela and Julia, I thank you in advance for checking in on Muddear while we are gone. Your kindness speaks volumes about your character – I am blessed to know you and your visit will bless Muddear. Even a short visit will boost her spirits, because Muddear loves visitors! She also loves anything sweet, fried chicken, and potato chips, so if you bring her a snack you will make her day a brighter one. I can see her now...becoming short of breath because she is excited. Please remember every detail for me. Let me know if she remembered you; did she talk to you; were you able to make her laugh and if so, about what. Help me experience the visit through your eyes.


One thing to remember, make sure you tell her you are friends with Mike and I. We do not want her thinking you are a dangerous stranger. As if either of you look dangerous, but with Muddear, anything is possible.


I am looking forward to getting much needed rest and relaxation. Talk to you next week...


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Do not forget to enter your choice for Flossie's them song. See Blog entry dated Monday, April 30, 2007, titled Theme Song for details or Blog entry dated Saturday, May 5, 2007, titled Theme Song - Week 1 for preliminary results.

Barbados

It never gets any easier. Mike and I are going on vacation in Barbados so you know what that means, another respite stay (temporary nursing home stay - see Support Systems) for Muddear. As much as I love going on vacation, it always breaks my heart to leave her. I never tell Muddear until the very last minute - usually the night before. I know that makes me a shmuck, but I don't know what makes me feel worse, telling Muddear in advance and making her worry week after week; or springing it on her the night before and potentially creating a panic. Heads or tails? What is worse is that when I choose the latter option, I pretend to have already told her by nonchalantly "reminding" Muddear that I am going out of town.

Usually, after asking a few questions, Muddear accepts her fate rather easily. Typically, she wants to know things like, "Where are you going? How long will you be gone? Where am I going? Who's going to help me?" Nothing out of the ordinary. Once those questions are cleared up, Muddear is on to the next topic, while I continue to harbor guilt.

That was last night. Today was the big day and I started it guilt free. Mike bundled up Muddear and came to pick me up at work (I carpooled today) so we could drop her off together. He knows how difficult this simple task is for me and comes along for moral support. While on the way to my office, Mike calls to inform me that this morning, Muddear was a little resistant to the fact that she was going to respite care - my guilt begins to build again. Once I am nestled in the backseat of the car, I begin to bombard Muddear with light conversation and stuff her with chips. Is it obvious I am trying to reduce my guilt? Fortunately, Muddear takes it all in stride.

It seems like in a manner of minutes we arrive at the nursing home, Muddear is checked in for her stay, and it is time to bid her adieu. I think this is the point where Mike starts to feel a little guilty - the act of leaving her is always the hard part. Mike usually brings a stash of goodies and leaves them with Muddear during every stay. Today was no different; Muddear is armed with Fig Newtons, pork skins, and potato chips. We kiss her goodbye, wave our final farewells, and head home. I am a little sad...