I am sad to say that my dad passed today around 4:20 p.m. while residing at Cardinal Hill. I really just can't go into all of the details as I am sure you are not that interested.
But, I will share with you that Walter passed quickly and without pain. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I know that he is happy now to be free from all of the equipment and tubes and monitors and the list goes on.
I was blessed to have these last few months with him. God is always in control.
Earlier today Mike took Muddear back to Brookwood for a weekend respite stay so that we could spend time together for his birthday. I was able to sit at the hospital with Walter and simply and quietly accept his death. This weekend Mike and I will spend quality time together as I prepare to gently break the news to Muddear on Sunday.
Please pray for her strength and ability to bear with the loss of a child.
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Friday, January 25, 2008
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Off Kilter!
Muddear is still not quite right...
This evening Muddear went around and round the mulberry bush arguing with Mike about how it was time for her to move so that she could be closer to her sons. This time it was Mike's turn to have that discussion. I am officially done for the next two days.
Needless to say, when asked "who will you stay with when you leave" - as she was demanding to leave at that exact moment, Muddear could not give a coherent answer. According to Muddear, Walter lived in a different state and Phil was not her son. Even better Phil was her daughter's son or Muddear's grandson. Mike tried to clear up the confusion by going down the family tree, to wit Muddear became irate and argumentative. "I KNOW WHO MY CHILDREN ARE! DON'T YOU TELL ME!"
Mike decided to drop the subject. That is until Muddear began calling him every 10 minutes to have the discussion yet again. This time, both Phil and Walter were her sons, but she had no clue as to who her other children had been. (I say that in past tense because they predeceased Muddear.)
As if this weren't enough, Granny started seeing things that didn't exist! According to Muddear, my two children (step) were unhappy when they entered her room and wanted to see their mother. Problem...neither were at home at the time. When I explained this to Muddear, she initially argued with me, then casually said..."I must have been hallucinating!"
This evening Muddear went around and round the mulberry bush arguing with Mike about how it was time for her to move so that she could be closer to her sons. This time it was Mike's turn to have that discussion. I am officially done for the next two days.
Needless to say, when asked "who will you stay with when you leave" - as she was demanding to leave at that exact moment, Muddear could not give a coherent answer. According to Muddear, Walter lived in a different state and Phil was not her son. Even better Phil was her daughter's son or Muddear's grandson. Mike tried to clear up the confusion by going down the family tree, to wit Muddear became irate and argumentative. "I KNOW WHO MY CHILDREN ARE! DON'T YOU TELL ME!"
Mike decided to drop the subject. That is until Muddear began calling him every 10 minutes to have the discussion yet again. This time, both Phil and Walter were her sons, but she had no clue as to who her other children had been. (I say that in past tense because they predeceased Muddear.)
As if this weren't enough, Granny started seeing things that didn't exist! According to Muddear, my two children (step) were unhappy when they entered her room and wanted to see their mother. Problem...neither were at home at the time. When I explained this to Muddear, she initially argued with me, then casually said..."I must have been hallucinating!"
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Phone Call From Ruth
Ruth, one of Muddear's oldest friends and relative called today. Periodically Mrs. Ruth will call Muddear to chat as well as inquire as to how she is doing. Today's phone call brought sad news to Muddear. Ruth had six children, to wit three had previously passed away, however, she called to tell Muddear that another one of her sons recently died.
This caused Muddear to become increasingly confused not to mention worried about her own two remaining children...Walter and Phil. Since the phone call, Muddear has told me on about four occasions this evening that it is time for her to move. She can no longer live with us and continue to be separated from her family...her children. "If you had children you would understand."
I have tried to reason with Muddear, but finally had to give up. I hope this passes sooner rather than later. Muddear has thanked us for being such gracious hosts, but...it is time she moves on to another location closer to the "city".
This caused Muddear to become increasingly confused not to mention worried about her own two remaining children...Walter and Phil. Since the phone call, Muddear has told me on about four occasions this evening that it is time for her to move. She can no longer live with us and continue to be separated from her family...her children. "If you had children you would understand."
I have tried to reason with Muddear, but finally had to give up. I hope this passes sooner rather than later. Muddear has thanked us for being such gracious hosts, but...it is time she moves on to another location closer to the "city".
Friday, November 30, 2007
Visiting Walter
I took Muddear to visit Walter last night at St. Elizabeth Hospital. It was very difficult for her to see him lying in the hospital bed, extremely ill, and unable to speak.
On several occasions Muddear managed to wheel her chair next to the bed, stand up, and kiss Walter. It was heartbreaking. Throughout the visit she would try to wake him up, because she kept forgetting that he was sedated and not allowed to wake. This was most difficult for me...Muddear seemed to forget what the hospital staff explained about Walter's current condition. About every 10 minutes or so, she would ask... "Now tell me, what's his condition?" The follow up question would always be, "Do you think he is going to pull out of this?" Then she would tell them how God was going to bless them for taking care of her baby. This line of questioning continued for about 3 hours and Muddear became increasingly sad after each answer.
About midway through our visit, Muddear decided she wanted to leave Walter a letter. Muddear dictated while I took notes. Then made sure the nurse placed the letter in Walter's chart when we left. Muddear wanted to make sure that when he awoke, he knew that she had been there.
I am glad I took Muddear to see dad. Life is so uncertain, but I continue to believe God for the best.
On several occasions Muddear managed to wheel her chair next to the bed, stand up, and kiss Walter. It was heartbreaking. Throughout the visit she would try to wake him up, because she kept forgetting that he was sedated and not allowed to wake. This was most difficult for me...Muddear seemed to forget what the hospital staff explained about Walter's current condition. About every 10 minutes or so, she would ask... "Now tell me, what's his condition?" The follow up question would always be, "Do you think he is going to pull out of this?" Then she would tell them how God was going to bless them for taking care of her baby. This line of questioning continued for about 3 hours and Muddear became increasingly sad after each answer.
About midway through our visit, Muddear decided she wanted to leave Walter a letter. Muddear dictated while I took notes. Then made sure the nurse placed the letter in Walter's chart when we left. Muddear wanted to make sure that when he awoke, he knew that she had been there.
I am glad I took Muddear to see dad. Life is so uncertain, but I continue to believe God for the best.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
The Power of Family
After lunch on Sunday at TGI Friday's we headed for Glencare Nursing Home to visit Muddear's oldest son Phil. Muddear was really excited about seeing him, I had not taken her for a visit since early Spring.
As soon as we exited the elevator on Phil's floor we saw Philip. He was sitting in his wheelchair right outside the elevator waiting to go on a smoke break! Initially, he did not see Muddear as we exited the elevator. Enthusiastically, I waved saying "Hi Philip!" He was full of smiles yet lacked the recognition of who I was. But my next words were like music to his ears...
"Philip, do you see you mother? Do you see Muddear right here?"
Phillips eyes lit up with recognition and immediately he began to reach for Muddear. It was like witnessing the prodigal son (or mother in this case) come home! We could separate them!
The staff recommended sitting in the dining area so we could talk and visit for a while. Muddear was simply glowing. I on the other hand felt a little saddened. Muddear only has two remaining relatives that we are aware of and I was not doing a good job of making sure that she spent time with him on a consistent basis. I made a promise to myself that I would make sure she was able to see Phil at least once a month.
It was so obvious that Muddear missed her son and Phil missed his mother. During the entire visit they held hands and touched while "oohing and aahhing" over one another. I needed to make this happen more often. And Muddear was so cute...the excitement of it all caused her to become short of breath and every 10 minutes she would say to Phil...
"Stand up and let me see how tall you are." or "Stand up and let me see how much weight you have gained."
Muddear was ready to leave within the hour. At the elevators, Muddear promised to be back while Phil waved and smiled. Julia and both caught the sadness in his eyes as he rounded the corner to return to either his room or the television area.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Painful Conversations
I am a stepmother of two and sacrifice regularly as any parent should for the well being of my stepchildren. I am not looking for a pat on the back, just stating the reality of the situation. No, I am not their birth mother, however, I love them and cannot imagine my life without them. In addition, I deeply desire to give birth to children as well. At 35, I realize life has altered the timing of this event, yet I stand firm in my faith. I explained all of this to set the stage for this post.
A couple of weeks ago, Muddear and I had a conversation that really disturbed me. It was not the first time. At least once a month Muddear likes to remind me that I don't have children or she likes to play down the level of responsibility I have as stepmother. In my heart, I know she does not mean any harm, but it is still painful for me. If I am honest with myself, I know the problem is mine. Yet, just once I wish that I could tell Muddear how her words really make me feel. But how do you reason with someone with Dementia? You don't.
And so the conversation goes:
"Hey Muddear!"
"Hi baby! Are you just getting home from work?"
"Yes, I am. It has been a long day and I am glad to be home."
"Are you tired?"
"Today I am. I just wanted to say hi! I'll be back, I have to change clothes."
"That's too bad, but it wouldn't be a days work if you didn't work hard and come home tired. Do you have to cook dinner?"
"Yep, I'll rustle up some dinner after I change clothes."
"You seem just like me. Go to work during the day and come home to cook dinner. At least you don't have kids."
"I have Mike and Mariah."
"Maybe so, but they ain't your kids. You didn't have them so you don't live with them or worry about them."
"Muddear, the kids are here practically everyday and yes, I do worry about them."
"That may be so, but you don't worry like a real mother who had them and think about them all the time. Like I did my own kids. You know what I mean."
A couple of weeks ago, Muddear and I had a conversation that really disturbed me. It was not the first time. At least once a month Muddear likes to remind me that I don't have children or she likes to play down the level of responsibility I have as stepmother. In my heart, I know she does not mean any harm, but it is still painful for me. If I am honest with myself, I know the problem is mine. Yet, just once I wish that I could tell Muddear how her words really make me feel. But how do you reason with someone with Dementia? You don't.
And so the conversation goes:
"Hey Muddear!"
"Hi baby! Are you just getting home from work?"
"Yes, I am. It has been a long day and I am glad to be home."
"Are you tired?"
"Today I am. I just wanted to say hi! I'll be back, I have to change clothes."
"That's too bad, but it wouldn't be a days work if you didn't work hard and come home tired. Do you have to cook dinner?"
"Yep, I'll rustle up some dinner after I change clothes."
"You seem just like me. Go to work during the day and come home to cook dinner. At least you don't have kids."
"I have Mike and Mariah."
"Maybe so, but they ain't your kids. You didn't have them so you don't live with them or worry about them."
"Muddear, the kids are here practically everyday and yes, I do worry about them."
"That may be so, but you don't worry like a real mother who had them and think about them all the time. Like I did my own kids. You know what I mean."
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