Confusion Sparks Visit to Phil

For some reason, Muddear seems to think that both Phil and Walter died. I don't know why. All day yesterday and even last night, she kept making comments about how sad it is that both Walter and Phil were killed. Over and over I explained that Walter died because he was sick and Phil is still alive. Muddear would stop, scratch her head, look around, then say "thank the Lord Phil is alright". Yet 30 minutes later she would begin to lament about Phil and Walter's deaths. It's mind boggling.

Yesterday, I told Muddear that I would take her to see Phil today in hopes of clearing up the confusion. And so you have it...today we went to visit Phil at the nursing home. Muddear was so glad to see him - she had me buy him candy again. (This time we took Reeses Cups.)

Nevertheless, we spent over an hour with Phil which typically doesn't happen. Either Muddear is ready to go within 20 minutes after arrival or Phil is eager to take a smoke break after they fawn over one another. Muddear broke the news to Phil about Walter. Poor Phil, he seemed quite shocked - I wondered if he would remember Walter because he is schizophrenic and suffers from some mental disability, although how can one forget their own brother. We talked about the funeral and I told Phil we would pick him up on Tuesday morning so he could attend. This seemed to please him.

Muddear was quite comical. She was bossing poor Phil around...you are eating your dinner too slow...you didn't eat enough...eat your candy...let me open your candy...do you have clothes to wear to the funeral...move your chair and let me see...do you have decent clothes...back out of the way...do you watch too much television...do you go to bed early enough...

Man oh man Muddear was driving me nutz and she hadn't said a word to me! Hopefully our visit will end the confusion.

Thanksgiving

There are many things I am thankful for...my family and friends; that the Lord has provided food, clothing, and shelter; health and healing both emotionally and physically; and the aides that faithfully care for Muddear.

Walter, Muddear's other son and my father, was rushed to the hospital a few days prior to Thanksgiving. Wednesday night, I spent time at the hospital and received several calls Wednesday night through early Thursday morning about his status. Therefore, it was a blessing to be able to sleep in on Thanksgiving morning knowing that Sharon, the aide would arrive bright and early to care for Flossie before we left for dinner. Between the family, work, and the hospital I was exhausted. (In time, Walter is going to be okay.)

It was nice to only have to worry about getting myself ready to leave on Thanksgiving day knowing that Sharon was taking care of Muddear. We packed Muddear up and left the house about 2:30 p.m. First stop...Glencare Nursing Home to visit with Phil. Muddear was so excited when I told her. She asked if we would stop by the store on our way so that she could purchase a candy bar to give to Philip. Very Cute!

Upon arrival at the nursing home, as usual, they were ecstatic to see one another. Hugs and kisses were shared and then Muddear's usual request for Phil to "stand up so I can see how tall you are." Philip, as usual, forgets to put the brakes on his wheelchair and we are yelling, "No Phil, don't stand up without your brakes!" About mid-way through the visit, Muddear pulls out the coveted candy bar (3 Musketeers) and gives it Phil - you should have seen his face! He was so excited to receive the candy bar.

I must continue the monthly visits, I think it does wonders for both Muddear and Phil. The funny thing is Muddear only stays about 30 minutes to an hour. Phil inevitably needs a smoke break and I think Muddear takes that as her queue to leave. The two of them may be in the middle of a conversation, holding hands and giggling, when suddenly Phil says..."Okay. Bye Bye. Thank you" and wheels himself away for a smoke break. Phil and cigarettes are like two powerful magnates.

After leaving the nursing home, the three of us headed for Mike's mom's house for dinner with the family. My side of the family was divided up between Mississippi, Indiana, and Ohio this year. While I missed my family, I think only having one place to visit made things a little easier on Muddear. She was very easy to get along with - all evening Muddear talked and laughed with the family. We managed to only have one anxiety attack which occurred when dinner was served. What is the correlation between dinner and anxiety attacks? Fortunately, Muddear "managed" to overcome it and ate a substantial dinner topped off with a piece of the chocolate cake I made for the occasion.

We probably arrived home around 10:00 p.m. Muddear was exhausted! I helped her change into a clean gown, dispensed final medications, and in the bed went Muddear. It was a great day for which I am thankful!

The Power of Family

After lunch on Sunday at TGI Friday's we headed for Glencare Nursing Home to visit Muddear's oldest son Phil. Muddear was really excited about seeing him, I had not taken her for a visit since early Spring.

As soon as we exited the elevator on Phil's floor we saw Philip. He was sitting in his wheelchair right outside the elevator waiting to go on a smoke break! Initially, he did not see Muddear as we exited the elevator. Enthusiastically, I waved saying "Hi Philip!" He was full of smiles yet lacked the recognition of who I was. But my next words were like music to his ears...

"Philip, do you see you mother? Do you see Muddear right here?"

Phillips eyes lit up with recognition and immediately he began to reach for Muddear. It was like witnessing the prodigal son (or mother in this case) come home! We could separate them!

The staff recommended sitting in the dining area so we could talk and visit for a while. Muddear was simply glowing. I on the other hand felt a little saddened. Muddear only has two remaining relatives that we are aware of and I was not doing a good job of making sure that she spent time with him on a consistent basis. I made a promise to myself that I would make sure she was able to see Phil at least once a month.

It was so obvious that Muddear missed her son and Phil missed his mother. During the entire visit they held hands and touched while "oohing and aahhing" over one another. I needed to make this happen more often. And Muddear was so cute...the excitement of it all caused her to become short of breath and every 10 minutes she would say to Phil...

"Stand up and let me see how tall you are." or "Stand up and let me see how much weight you have gained."

Muddear was ready to leave within the hour. At the elevators, Muddear promised to be back while Phil waved and smiled. Julia and both caught the sadness in his eyes as he rounded the corner to return to either his room or the television area.