Breaking the News

Sunday, after Muddear's return from the respite stay at Brookwood Retirement Community, I told her that Walter passed.

I quietly sat beside Muddear's bed, lowered my voice, and delivered the news while holding her hand. I truly expected histrionics. However, Muddear's response left me shocked and awed because her reaction was the exact opposite of what I had been expecting. No tears, no signs of significant distress or great mental anguish. I honestly was expecting Muddear to completely fall apart. If it were my child, possibly even my husband, I would have screamed and yelled until I was catatonic! Most likely, I would develop Dementia or Alzheimer's - lose my mind, forget who I was, and begin making random calls to 911. (I guess I am just a drama queen.)

Yet there sat my grandmother, full of strength and grace, who simply stated, "I always told Walter to take care of himself. If he would have listened to me, we would not be in this place. It hurts, but he should have listened to me."

One day I hope to attain the type of strength that Muddear exhibited. She is truly a special lady.

More Time...

I just spent the last 40 minutes on the phone with the hospital getting an update. When I was there on Saturday, the news wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either. I am sure you can imagine how stunned I was to receive the most recent prognosis. Honestly, I think I am getting a headache simply trying to process the amount of medical information I just received. To summarize...

1. They believe my dad had a stroke yesterday. This is bad enough as it is, however, according to the CAT Scan it looks like he previously had a stroke in the same place in the brain some time ago.
2. His kidney's have not resumed functioning and they don't believe they ever will.
3. While he is breathing on his own, he is not able to without assistance. The tubes from the ventilator need to be removed before causing additional damage leaving me with two options: a. remove the ventilator and insert a tracheotomy and feeding tube or b. remove the ventilator and allow nature to take its course
4. His liver is damaged (prior to hospitalization) which is making matters worse.
5. Overall he is in a fragile condition and they don't believe there is much else they can do for him that would restore his quality of life. Not to mention any measures they take now, may actually make matters worse.

Please continue to pray. I am taking Muddear over to see him tonight. I plan to have a follow-up conversation with the doctor as well.

I wish I had more time...

The Cat's Out of The Bag

Tuesday night, I talked to Muddear about Walter. She seemed to take the news okay, but I could tell that Muddear was really worried, as any mother would be.

I must admit that I did not tell her exactly how long Walter has been in the hospital nor did I tell her how grave the reports have been. I simply reassured her that the doctors are committed to doing everything possible to help Walter recover.

After talking we prayed and Muddear went to bed.

I am so relieved that I talked to Muddear about Walter. It has been a couple of days since our discussion with no repercussions. I will confirm with the aide.

Daily, I realize that being a caregiver often requires you to make difficult decisions that may significantly impact your loved one. I can only thank God for his wisdom during these times.