Final Plans

Well...

All of the plans have been made. The visitation and memorial service (Walter will be cremated) is planned for Tuesday, February 5th at 12 Noon.

Sharon, the aide, will come in to work that morning to get Muddear dressed and ready for the funeral. I may have to purchase something for her to wear this weekend. I had not thought about that - too many things on my mind.

I talked with the nursing home where Philip is located (Glencare) and we are going to pick him up and take him to the funeral as well. I had hoped the nursing home could assist with transportation, but apparently they cannot on an individual basis. I won't complain - it is, what it is.

Almost everyone has been notified, at least everyone I know to call. Hopefully anyone I left out, will see the death notice in the newspaper. The funeral home will handle all final details...thank the Good Lord as I am tired.

My greatest task remaining - finding a few pictures of Walter to "display" during the visitation and memorial service as there will be no casket. I have never been to a cremation service. I guess there is a first time for everything. This will be interesting - I know this may sound morbid, but I kind of want to take pictures.

I think I'll stop now, as this post is kind of depressing me. My next creative act will be funny bereavement cards. I have been sad and I really don't like to be sad. It feels as though I am starving for laughter. What I would really like for people to give me during this time...not sympathy, but laughter. Send me jokes!

Sad News

On Sunday, I spent some time with Walter. As described by the nurses, he is very alert and attempts to communicate as best as possible (with at trachea in his throat).

While at Cardinal Hill, Walter asked that I request for the doctors to remove the trachea from his throat and thus remove him from the ventilator. He is in pain and he is tired. This was very difficult for me...I tried to dissuade him from this decision, however Walter continues to stand firm. After speaking with the nurses, his condition does not seem to be improving and I do not want him to continue to suffer.

My dad's treating physician was out of town - to return on Tuesday. Knowing what is ahead, I took Muddear for what I believe will be her last visit today. (Although she is unaware.) I am very afraid of what the consequences will mean to her...Muddear has already lost two of her four children. My heart breaks for Muddear, YET I am at peace.

My dad and I have made amends and he is ready to be freed from this earthly and deteriorated body. I will keep you posted as this situation progresses.

More Walter Updates

For those of you that have been praying for us, I wanted to give you an update on Walter...

Last week he was transitioned to Cardinal Hill, a rehabilitation center that specializes in the care of seriously ill individuals who require a ventilator to assist with breathing. Initially we were going to move my dad to the West Chester Rehabilitation Center, unfortunately they could not accept him as long as he still required ventilator usage.

So for the time being, I have been communicating with the nurses at Cardinal Hill regarding his care and current status. To date, they have had little success with weaning dad from the ventilator. He continues to respond to commands and appears to be oriented to place and people. My plan is to visit this weekend - now that my car is out of the shop. Thank God it is fixed! For weeks I have been held hostage by my car and its only a 4 cylinder! I digress...I do not plan to take Muddear as she has completely forgotten that Walter is sick. The thought of making her relive the reality that her baby is sick is not pleasant.

Once Walter is weaned from the ventilator (including the removal of his chest tube) he will transition to the West Chester Rehabilitation Center. Thanks again for your prayers. I'll keep you posted...

Walter Update

Over the last week, Walter has continued to improve. Unfortunately, I am experiencing problems with my car and thus have not been able to visit. On Thursday, I spoke with his nurse at St. Elizabeth Medical Center and was pleasantly surprised to hear that my dad was alert, even smiling. The nurse placed the phone up to my dad's ear and let me talk to him. Because of the tracheotomy, he could not respond verbally, however, the nurse said that he was moving his lips in an attempt to communicate with me. God is amazing!

The hospital is going to discharge Walter either this week or next week to a rehabilitation center. Apparently there are only 3 places in this area that provide an on site respiratory specialist. Lucky for us, one of the places is located in my neighborhood. Even better, on Friday I found out that he would be accepted into the facility! Another blessing! This week I will take a tour.

I am simply amazed by where we are today when I think back to the prognosis I received from the doctors just 3 weeks ago. I am thankful for everyone's prayers - I was given more time.

Forgiveness

Sunday, we visited Walter who remains in critical condition at St. Elizabeth's Medical Center. I went for several reasons. Of course, to allow Muddear to visit and to visit myself, however, I had a second, serious and personal reason.

Walter and I have been estranged for over 30 years. He and my mother divorced when I was about 3 or 4 years old. He did then and still today suffers from alcoholism.

When my mother remarried, I was either 5 or 6 and my stepfather later adopted me. He is the only father I ever knew. I loved him dearly. However, I remained very angry and bitter towards Walter. In my eyes, he was the dad that treated my mother poorly and later abandoned me.

About 15 years ago, I committed my life to Christ and knew that I needed to forgive Walter, which at the time, I did. Yet, we were strangers. It was not until I began caring for Muddear that Walter and I began to interact - that was about 7 years ago. Even then, our relationship was strained and difficult.

Last weekend, I came to the realization that I stilled harbored some deep-seated unforgiveness within my heart. Therefore, on Sunday, I knew what needed to be done. It was time to formally forgive Walter and to apologize for harboring the unforgiveness. I am thankful for God's grace and mercy, for today I truly walk in peace.

Today, I am free.

More Time...

I just spent the last 40 minutes on the phone with the hospital getting an update. When I was there on Saturday, the news wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either. I am sure you can imagine how stunned I was to receive the most recent prognosis. Honestly, I think I am getting a headache simply trying to process the amount of medical information I just received. To summarize...

1. They believe my dad had a stroke yesterday. This is bad enough as it is, however, according to the CAT Scan it looks like he previously had a stroke in the same place in the brain some time ago.
2. His kidney's have not resumed functioning and they don't believe they ever will.
3. While he is breathing on his own, he is not able to without assistance. The tubes from the ventilator need to be removed before causing additional damage leaving me with two options: a. remove the ventilator and insert a tracheotomy and feeding tube or b. remove the ventilator and allow nature to take its course
4. His liver is damaged (prior to hospitalization) which is making matters worse.
5. Overall he is in a fragile condition and they don't believe there is much else they can do for him that would restore his quality of life. Not to mention any measures they take now, may actually make matters worse.

Please continue to pray. I am taking Muddear over to see him tonight. I plan to have a follow-up conversation with the doctor as well.

I wish I had more time...

No Changes...

We are back from St. Elizabeth Medical Center. There have been no changes in Walter's condition. I'm being optimistic. No change at least confirms that he has not gotten any worse.

The doctors are continuing the dialysis treatment as well as the use of the ventilator. Apparently an infectious disease specialists have been called in to rule out any other "weird" things going on in his body.

This visit seemed to be harder on Muddear today than the last. I heard her say to Walter, "I asked God to take care of you. If He didn't, then I'm not going to make it." I continue to encourage her to believe God for Walter's healing.

Muddear was not up to staying as long this time, even though we were there for hours. (We had to wait almost an hour before we could see Walter. The nurse was just about to start his bed bath when we arrived.)

I continue to believe that God can work miracles...

Dad

Yesterday, on Father's Day, Mike and I watched the movie "Dad." If you haven't seen it, Ted Danson plays a high powered executive who receives an unexpected phone call while at work. His mother, played by Olympia Dukakis, suffered a heart attack and he is needed home immediately. Upon arrival, he realizes that his mother is not the only one in need of assistance. His father, played by Jack Lemmon, is declining mentally as well. The storyline is both beautiful and heartbreaking.

Ted Danson's character realizes the amount of time he has devoted to his career has caused him to miss the more precious things in life...his parents and his own son. The storyline addresses three major themes:

1. Family reconciliation
2. Parental aging and the impact of mental and physical decline
3. Adult Children as caregivers

While watching the movie, I was able to relate to the stress of balancing work and caregiving. The anger I at times experience with the doctors who care for my grandmother. The fear that comes with being a caregiver and knowing that your loved one depends solely on you.

The movie Dad, is a hidden treasure. While considered "old" by today's standards, it was released in 1989, Dad is a "must watch."

Enjoy!