Flossie, Respite, and The New York Times

A few months ago, I was interviewed by The New York Times writer John Leland about the use of respite care services for Flossie aka Muddear.

I didn't realize the article was already in print, otherwise, I would have shared it sooner. I have posted an excerpt of the article; however, if you follow the link you can read it in its entirety. Originally the article ran electronically on August 18, 2008 and in print on August 19, 2008.

For Families of the Ailing, A Brief Chance to Relax
By John Leland

MILWAUKEE — Mildred and John Fischer thought their retirement years would be a time for traveling and visiting their grandchildren. Then last September, just as Mr. Fischer was retiring as a postal carrier, Mrs. Fischer’s mother, who has Alzheimer’s disease, came to live with them.

While friends and neighbors enjoyed carefree time, Mrs. Fischer said she felt that her world was closing in on her. She could sense her heart palpitating from the constant stress. It got so bad one day, she said, “I needed to go down to the basement and just sit.”

I send many thanks to John for shedding a light on the impact Alzheimer's Disease and other dementing disorders have on caregivers. As the U.S. population continues to age, many more men and women will be faced with the challenging question... "How do I care for my mother/father/ husband/ wife with Alzheimer's Disease (dementia)?" 

Calm...Finally

Thankfully, this week has been pretty uneventful. Muddear still does not know who I am. Nor does she know where she lives, but she has been calm nevertheless.

I can appreciate these periods of peace. No midnight marauding. No hysterical outbursts. No re-decorating or re-arranging her bedroom. No getting out her wheelchair and sitting on the floor. No incessant arguing.

All this week, I was able to come home and just relax. I fixed and served dinner. Cleaned the kitchen. Then sat down and twice fell asleep for about two hours each time. Honestly, I don't know what to do with myself other than enjoy the moment.

What a blessing!

Who Ate My Food?

Last night, shortly after dinner, Muddear began calling me. (Mike and I were sitting downstairs, talking and watching television.) As I proceeded upstairs, I saw Muddear in the hallway at the top of the stairs.

"Is everything alright?", I enquired.
"I want something to eat."
"Really? Did you eat all of your dinner?"
"Yes."

I went into Muddear's room to remove her original dinner plate. It was my intention to give Muddear more food considering she was still hungry. That is until I observed that Muddear had only eaten about 1/4 of her dinner.

"Muddear, you are probably still hungry because you did not eat all of your food. Why didn't you eat your dinner?"
"I didn't eat it someone else did! Why would I eat a plate of food that was eaten off of by someone else?"
"Muddear, no one ate your food but you. No one is upstairs but you."
"Don't you think I know what I ate or didn't eat!"

So, what do you think I did? I took the original plate - removed the food and placed it on a new plate (different color), then gave it back to Muddear. Thank goodness, she didn't know the difference and gobbled up everything!

I wonder who she thinks ate her food?

Simple Answers to Simple Questions

Last night, after giving Muddear her nighttime medication, she asked...

"Is there a light on in here?"
"No."
"Is there a fire in the fireplace?"
"No, there is no fireplace in your room."
"Oh, that's good to know."

Sometimes, it's easier to go along with the program than to provide long explanations with the hope of bringing clarity. An explanation tonight, is forgotten tomorrow. A disagreement last night is like a dream the next day. Preserving dignity for your loved one at the moment, is more important than being right.

Being a caregiver for someone with dementia continues to instill patience and wisdom within me.