Pantyhose

Glorious Hats, this is for you...

As you can see from the photos below, Muddear was well put together and absolutely adorable for the funeral. Hey...we've got to make the best out of difficult situations.

Nevertheless, Muddear had a pretty dress, wig, and complimentary jewelry. The only thing missing was pantyhose. Knowing that Muddear ABHORS anything that fits snug, I dreaded both purchasing and making her wear them. To save myself from the emotional pain and suffering, I left Muddear at home and set out on Monday to purchase the pantyhose. Yes...it was last minute. Yes...I struggled with what color to purchase - cream to match the lace on her dress, black to match the body of the dress, suntan to match her skin tone, black because it was a funeral....you get the picture. As though that were not enough, I struggled with what style - thigh highs or control top or re-inforced toe or control top with re-inforced toe, sheer, ultra sheer... the list goes on and on. And finally - What size? While Muddear is petite in stature - "baby got back!" (Are you having Sir Mixalot flashbacks?)

Anyway...I ended up purchasing two pair of Suntan pantyhose with the re-enforced toe - one size A and another size B. In addition I purchased two pair of black knee highs. I simply thanked the good Lord that Sharon had the responsibility of getting Muddear dressed! On Tuesday morning (the day of the funeral) Sharon came downstairs looking exhuausted about 45 minutes prior to leaving.

If looks could kill, I'd be a dead woman! Sharon simply stated...

"Nick...I got the pantyhose on her, but she was pissed! When she comes downstairs DON'T even mention them or you'll be startin a fight!

Just know this...we are N-E-V-E-R doing that again!"

Confusion Sparks Visit to Phil

For some reason, Muddear seems to think that both Phil and Walter died. I don't know why. All day yesterday and even last night, she kept making comments about how sad it is that both Walter and Phil were killed. Over and over I explained that Walter died because he was sick and Phil is still alive. Muddear would stop, scratch her head, look around, then say "thank the Lord Phil is alright". Yet 30 minutes later she would begin to lament about Phil and Walter's deaths. It's mind boggling.

Yesterday, I told Muddear that I would take her to see Phil today in hopes of clearing up the confusion. And so you have it...today we went to visit Phil at the nursing home. Muddear was so glad to see him - she had me buy him candy again. (This time we took Reeses Cups.)

Nevertheless, we spent over an hour with Phil which typically doesn't happen. Either Muddear is ready to go within 20 minutes after arrival or Phil is eager to take a smoke break after they fawn over one another. Muddear broke the news to Phil about Walter. Poor Phil, he seemed quite shocked - I wondered if he would remember Walter because he is schizophrenic and suffers from some mental disability, although how can one forget their own brother. We talked about the funeral and I told Phil we would pick him up on Tuesday morning so he could attend. This seemed to please him.

Muddear was quite comical. She was bossing poor Phil around...you are eating your dinner too slow...you didn't eat enough...eat your candy...let me open your candy...do you have clothes to wear to the funeral...move your chair and let me see...do you have decent clothes...back out of the way...do you watch too much television...do you go to bed early enough...

Man oh man Muddear was driving me nutz and she hadn't said a word to me! Hopefully our visit will end the confusion.

Just Another Saturday

Today Muddear and I sat and talked about many things. We got the difficult things out of the way first, like...what she will wear to the funeral.

Muddear decided she wanted to wear black. I'm not surprised as black was the customary funeral attire of her generation. Nevertheless, we found a cute black dress with white lace around the neckline stashed in the back of her closet. Thank heavens...it fits!!! I think Muddear had fun trying on her old dress. Especially since she always thinks her clothes have been stolen - seeing a dress from the past was a treat! Anyway, we picked out jewelry - pearl earrings AND I loan Muddear a pearl bracelet. I told her she could keep the bracelet in her room with the earrings so we didn't forget to put it on her.

In addition, Muddear has decided that she wants me to do something pretty with her hair, even thought she intends to wear a wig. Go figure. We have picked out shoes, but she doesn't have any pantyhose. Honestly, I think a pantyhose purchase is going to be difficult. Muddear always wants to purchase stockings...you know the kind with the garter belt. Whatever is she going to so with those? I don't think she knows either! We have had this debate in the past whenever we go to purchase pantyhose and in the end we leave the mall with nothing. This has been an ongoing issue for 3 years now. Please pray for resolution and a successful panthose purchase tomorrow!

Final details...I'm thinking of painting Muddear's nails red. She'll really feel pretty. If I can accomplish nothing else, I would like for Muddear to feel pretty.

Final Plans

Well...

All of the plans have been made. The visitation and memorial service (Walter will be cremated) is planned for Tuesday, February 5th at 12 Noon.

Sharon, the aide, will come in to work that morning to get Muddear dressed and ready for the funeral. I may have to purchase something for her to wear this weekend. I had not thought about that - too many things on my mind.

I talked with the nursing home where Philip is located (Glencare) and we are going to pick him up and take him to the funeral as well. I had hoped the nursing home could assist with transportation, but apparently they cannot on an individual basis. I won't complain - it is, what it is.

Almost everyone has been notified, at least everyone I know to call. Hopefully anyone I left out, will see the death notice in the newspaper. The funeral home will handle all final details...thank the Good Lord as I am tired.

My greatest task remaining - finding a few pictures of Walter to "display" during the visitation and memorial service as there will be no casket. I have never been to a cremation service. I guess there is a first time for everything. This will be interesting - I know this may sound morbid, but I kind of want to take pictures.

I think I'll stop now, as this post is kind of depressing me. My next creative act will be funny bereavement cards. I have been sad and I really don't like to be sad. It feels as though I am starving for laughter. What I would really like for people to give me during this time...not sympathy, but laughter. Send me jokes!

Home Sweet...Home?

All I can say is, "bless her heart!" Last week, after picking Muddear up from her respite stay I wrote post titled, "Home Sweet Home". Those sentiments lasted for about 12 hours and Grandma Dynamite was back in full force, extremely confused and ready to move in search for her family. While respite stays are greatly needed they in turn tend to be the catalyst for confusion. Simply because it is difficult for people with dementia to handle such significant changes.

Ironically, I think the most consistent topic for debate centers around "who are you?" and "where are we?" The irony, in my mind, stems from the fact that Muddear could not wait to return home. When we pulled up in the driveway she exclaimed, "Home at last!" Nevertheless, I'm sure by now you know that we have attempted as best as possible to clear up the confusion, but I must admit sometimes its bizarre having the same heated discussion over and over... and over and over... and over and over... again. Its like being in a Seinfeld episode.

One of the conversations that stand out in my mind...

"You know that place I went to? I'm not going back there for that lady again."
"Muddear when you were at Brookwood, you went for me. I had to go to a funeral, remember?"
"No, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about that other lady. I'm not going for her."
"Muddear, there is no other lady. You went there for me, so I could go to the funeral."
"Well that's what I'm saying, I'll go for you but not for her. Why did I go for her?"
"You didn't go for anyone but me. I had a funeral remember?"
"Oh, I went for you?"
"Yes, Muddear. I had to go out of town for a funeral."
"Oh, I thought I went for her. Well, I'll go for you."

(I'm shaking my head to clear up my own confusion!)

Home Sweet Home

Granny is back! Albeit a little confused but home nonetheless. Mike and I picked Muddear up from Brookwood last night after Little Mike's basketball game. Several times she asked...

"I live with my grandmother right?" When we said "no", she followed that question with, "Well, who do I stay with?" I was a little worried that we might be in for a long night, thank the good Lord that was not the case.

It's funny to see Muddear waiting and ready to go. She actually became a little anxious, especially when we are unable to leave immediately upon arrival. For example, last night, even though I called to notify the nursing staff that we were on our way they had not begun to get Muddear's prescriptions ready or clothes packed. Not a problem for me, sometimes it happens, but Muddear was simply beside herself.

"Well, what's wrong?" she asked.
"Why is it taking so long?"
"What are they doing?"
"Why can't we leave?"

Over and over Muddear inquired until we were officially walking out of the door and she was tucked safely in the car. It was nice to know that she was looking forward to returning home.

Funerals and Respite Stays

My great uncle, S.C., died earlier this week. He lived in St. Louis, Missouri where the bulk of our extended family live, therefore a few us are driving there for the funeral.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we leave Sunday morning for the evening visitation at the church. The funeral and burial will be held on Monday at Noon.

While gone, Muddear will stay at Brookwood Retirement Community for a short respite stay. We just dropped her off this afternoon. It was nice to have the staff express excitement about having Muddear return to stay with them. Almost like home away from home.

One thing about Brookwood is that there is a store on site that sells all sorts of snacks as well as miscellaneous items, from light bulbs to socks to miniature porcelain tea sets. Prior to Mike and I leaving her, Muddear asked..."did you hide any snacks in my drawer?"

Of course I did!