Grieving and Depression

Muddear has been exhibiting signs of grieving and possibly depression. Has she been diagnosed formerly? No, but for the past several weeks she has been mourning Walter's death all over again. She continuously expresses sadness over his death, which any parent would when they experience the loss of a child; but, it seems like a fresh wave of grief each time. In addition she has been displaying a significant loss of appetite.

We continually try to encourage Muddear. I have found that simply sitting and listening helps her deal with the grief. Everyone grieves in different ways; however, I wonder if the Dementia exacerbates the situation. The good thing is that Muddear does in fact remember his death, even though the details escape her. One example would be our conversation over the weekend...

"Walter missed mother's day this year. He normally calls, but this year he didn't."
"Muddear, you know Walter could not call you."
"I know he was busy."
"Muddear, did you remember that Walter died?"
"Yes, I know. But he didn't call me for Mother's Day."
"Muddear, Walter died in January, before Mother's Day. That is why he did not call you. He couldn't."
"Oh, he died in January?"

The details are always lost. I admit that I would rather remind her of the details rather than remind Muddear of the sad event. That would be an awful emotional shock to have to re-live over and over again.

Feeling Heavy

This week Muddear has been eating less than normal. Both Thursday and Friday nights, she refused to eat dinner and this morning she refused to eat breakfast. I figured we should have a little talk so I could better understand why Muddear was not eating.

"Muddear, why won't you eat?"

"I'm heavy."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm burdened down."

"What's got you down?"

"You know what it is... the death of Walter, my son. When you go through a tragedy like I have you can't eat. You can't understand."

"Muddear, I'm sure it is hard. But you have to take care of yourself. Your other son, Philip, needs you."

"I know, I'm trying."

At first I wondered if Muddear was confused about when Walter died. Of course, she will never completely heal from the death of her son, no parent would. Yet, I found it odd that this week Muddear is grieving, when she has not mentioned Walter's death in months. I'm not sure how to console her. Back in January when Walter initially died, we would talk about his death, especially when I realized that she was confused about how he died. There were times I would hold her hand. As time has passed I became less inclined to talk about Walter's death fearing the impact the discussion might have on her.

I'll have to deal with Muddear's sadness one day at a time and pray that her spirits will be lifted.

These Boots Are Made For Walking...

Last Friday, July 13, 2007, Mike coerced Muddear into taking a walk. As I am sure you can guess this was a major ordeal. Muddear has developed an unnatural attachment to her bedroom. She never wants to leave it - not for dinner, not to socialize, not for any reason whatsoever. (Except using the bathroom and at times even that is questionable.) I do not understand this attachment or why she has it. Perhaps there is comfort in the known environment and fear of the unknown world outside of her room. Perhaps it is the journey down the stairs from her second floor bedroom to the main floor - she is afraid of the stairs. I have even wondered if at times Muddear becomes a little depressed - a common effect of Alzheimer's and Dementia.

Needless to say, while preparing dinner, I was so excited to hear Mike tell Muddear...

"Remember our conversation earlier today?"
"Yes, I do." (Whether she did or did not we will never know.)
"Good, because it is time for our walk."

Of course, Muddear began protesting this outing by detailing the usual objections - "It's too hot. I'm allergic to the sun. I'm allergic to grass. I don't like outside." However, Mike was determined to win this battle and within minutes, he whisked Muddear out the front door.

Amazingly, Muddear turned into "Chatty Patty" and was full of smiles. Upon entering the house, it was great to hear Muddear thank Mike for taking her on such a nice walk.