Lack of Response

On Saturday morning and Tuesday evening Muddear exhibited very odd behavior when we tried to wake her up. It didn't matter if we attempted to wake her up after a good night's rest or an afternoon nap. Muddear was completely unresponsive after numerous attempts to rouse her from sleep. On Saturday, once awake, she had difficulty speaking and was very weak dropping things upon immediate placement into her hands. Including a bottle of Ensure. Immediately we checked her vitals - for us non-medically trained caregivers that equates to temperature, pulse and verification of urine output. Next I felt Muddear's skin from head to toe to determine if her extremities were maintaining her normal body temperature. All was normal. Keep in mind, throughout this entire process Muddear did not wake.

Tuesday evening was the scariest of all. Muddear had fallen asleep in her wheelchair and Mike not only picked her up, he also placed Muddear in the bed and covered her. Not a sound did she make. Finally, I placed a phone call to Muddear's assigned RN to discuss and was advised to call her physician first thing in the morning to schedule a home visit. There was nothing else to be done. Please understand that we have experienced similar behavior in the past and after consults with Muddear's primary care physician and the ER doctors we decided on the best course of action. That being, allow Muddear to pass peacefully at home should that time arise, as long as she is not in any pain.

I then decided to change Muddear's clothes and clean her up a bit. Why? I just wanted to make sure that if tragedy should strike during the night, that Muddear was clean and wearing a fresh gown. Perhaps a morbid thought, but one that gave me peace nonetheless. Imagine my surprise when proceeding to change Muddear's clothes that she shot right up and said... "What's going on here!" Mike was so tickled he had to leave the room. Her behavior was simply unexplainable. All I can say is Muddear strikes again! :-)

Pale and Worried

Perhaps I worry about things that I should not worry about, but unfortunately, I cannot help it. As usual, when I arrived home after work, I stopped by Muddear's room to say "hey!" and chat for a moment before beginning part two of the work day. You know, work at work then work at home. I immediately noticed that Muddear appeared very pale, almost ashen. I asked her if she was feeling okay, to which Muddear responded "yes." At that point, I was at a loss...and a little worried. I wanted to do something to "fix" the situation, but what? Therefore, I gave Muddear an Ensure. Of course, Mike asked me, "Why are you giving your grandmother an Ensure?" To which I responded, "I don't know, it just seems like the right thing to do. Maybe she is experiencing some vitamin or calorie deficiency."

I know you think I am nuts, it just made feel better to be able to do something. I will research WebMD today for potential causes. My last resort will be to contact the doctor if Muddear does not improve. I will keep you posted.

Unreliable Help = Lifestyle Changes

Last summer, due to Mike's coaching schedule, we changed the aide's schedule. This change resulted in us not having an agency scheduled aide at the house on Friday afternoons from 12:30 until 5:30 p.m. to care for Muddear while we are at work. Initially this wasn't a problem, because over the course of the past year and a half we developed good relationships with a couple of professional caregivers who were willing to work private pay. Meaning we paid them out of pocket.

Unfortunately, the last three or four months, none of the private pay aides have been regularly available to work on Friday afternoons. This left us in a quandary...who could assist with Muddear's care? At first, my wonderful husband agreed to stay with Muddear - due to the cyclical nature of his business this was a good interim solution. However, now that business has picked up, Mike has been forced to juggle his schedule to accommodate our interim arrangement. While great for the situation, I began to reflect upon the selfishness of the arrangement. But I was allowing Mike to take on full responsibility of the problem without offering any assistance - my job is no more important than his. While as a business owner, Mike may have greater flexibility he shouldn't have to bear the burden alone.

Therefore, beginning Friday, June 22, I will begin alternating Friday afternoons with Mike. (At least during his busy season, which ends late Fall/early Winter.) On one hand this makes me very nervous. I have a full time job with a great deal of responsibility. I don't want to be perceived as a slacker. I am also afraid of the impact this will have on my work load, which already is overwhelming.

On the other hand, I know it is the right thing to do, so I am trying to see this change in schedule as an opportunity. I have the vacation time...I get four weeks of vacation per/year. (It is June and I have only taken one week.) Considering Mike and I are splitting Fridays that equates to two half days of vacation a month from June through December or 5 total vacation days. When you look at it that way it doesn't seem so bad...at least that is what I keep telling myself. (I am trying to allay my fears.) If push comes to shove, I could conduct conference calls from home if necessary or bring my laptop and try to work. We'll see how successful that is...

For many this probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but for me the situation is a little stressful. You see, the problem is that I am a potential workaholic. If possible, I would probably work 50 or 60+ hours a week. During the course of my life, I have been known to work two jobs and/or take on other church and community activities. I tend to feel lazy if I don't have enough to do. My husband thinks I have Adult ADHD, but that's another story. Both my husband and life in general have helped me slow down a little. Besides...family and workaholic is one cocktail that doesn't mix.

Please keep me in your prayers as I change my schedule. My request...peace of mind and opportunities to purse my second love - writing.